#End of discussion. Period.

Alright ladies, put your latte's down, turn off your Glee Cast remake of Lady Gaga, and please bring your attention to my face [er, words], because this one's for you.

[And guys too if you really REALLY wanna, but I'm warning you...it's gonna get messy!]

We ladies have....lady parts. And once in a while - every 28 days or so - our lady parts like to make us hate our lives by making us bloated, grumpy, hormonal, bloody, [sorry, I had to.] and hurty [hurty is not a medical term by the way.]!

So tell me, what's worse than your monthly visit from Aunt Flo [besides someone calling their period Aunt Flo..]?

No? Nobody's going to even take a shot at it?

Ok then, I'll just have to tell you.

Not getting your period at all.

Also known as amenorrhea in medical language land. [A - the absence of. Men or meno - month. Rrhea - discharge, or flow. Word breakdown courtesy of my greek and roman studies class.]

Yeah. I know. That's some scary stuff right there. Worse than zombies, and bigfoot, and Twilight. Just kidding. Nothing is scarier than a sappy interspecies love story.

But seriously, not getting your period can be because of an external stressor, a dramatic change, or an issue going on inside your pretty little lady body.

So let's get down to business here folk's and talk about some of the reasons you might be missing your period.

You're pregnant!
Congratulations fellow woman, you are with child! Whether this was planned or not, you have a little bun in the oven. To verify if you're pregnant you can take a simple home pregnancy test which tests your level of the 'pregnancy hormone' hCG. It's important to make an appointment as soon as possible with your family doctor. And make sure your baby's daddy knows what he's in for!

Milking!
Otherwise known as breastfeeding. This commonly occurs after pregnancy, hence why it followed pregnancy on my list! Lots of women do not have regular cycles while they are breastfeeding. So if you're pumping out that boob milk [which I highly encourage you do!], don't fret too much if you've missed your period, or it's late. But be on the lookout for other signs of abnormalities in your body. Remember, nobody knows you like you do!

Stress!
How often do we hear this? Stress seems to be the root of all evil causing everything from wrinkles and acne, to cancer, and everything in between. Including irregular or absent periods. Stress does a whole load of work on the body and in the process decreases the amount of gonadotropin releasing hormone [or GnRH] in the body. This causes a war zone inside your body that can be neatly summarized into your lady hormones [FSH, LH, estrogen] are not doing what they are supposed to be doing, or being released at all. Moral of the story - take up yoga or any hobby that relieves some stress. Namaste.

Illness!
Super vague, right? Let me narrow it down for you. It can be short-term or long-term illness! [Good thing I was here to clarify that for you, right?] Main reason - illness puts your body under stress. If you want more information about how stress affects your period please refer to the paragraph you read just before this one.

Medications!
First it was illness, now it's medications. You just can't win! Be sure to consult with your doctor if you are starting a new medication and know the side effects it may have on your body. Also - illegal drugs can have an effect on your menstrual cycle, as well as EVERYTHING ELSE THAT HAPPENS IN YOUR BODY. Illegal drugs are not recommended. In fact I would advise against it. [So I'm a straight-edge party-pooper. Deal with it!] Fun Fact! Penicillin can reduce the effectiveness of birth control. If you don't want a baby, tell your man that if it's going to rain, he better wear a hat.

Extra Baggage!
No, I'm not talking about your emotional baggage. I'm talking about being overweight. Now, I know this is a touchy, sensitive topic that nobody really wants to address, but the fact is you have to take care of yourself in order for your body to function optimally. Stomach fat in particular can have an effect on the hormones in your body and cause you to have irregular periods, and in some cases, cause infertility. If you're about to exit out of this screen because you're mad at me for saying you shouldn't be overweight you're gonna love me in a second..

Skinny Bitches!
See?! Skinny girls have problems too! The difference here is you need a certain amount of body fat to have a period, which is why intense athletes and ladies with eating disorders can have irregular periods and infertility issues. Typically a woman needs about 17% body fat to have a period because not having enough body fat has an effect on your estrogen levels. If you do not have enough body fat you will not have a period. Period.

So there you go. Pretty much don't be stressed, pregnant or breastfeeding, sick or medicated, fat or skinny and you will have regular periods. The End.

*Feeling The Crunch

So. It's been a while between blog posts. Isn't it always?
I was thinking; I needed a new topic to help spice up the interwebs; I needed inspiration.

And then it hit me. Literally.
(I know that's an awful pun, but come on, it's hilarious)

I was in a car accident a week ago, which was minor for me, and left poor Jenny needing a major nose job
Rye was in an accident a while ago, and she was okay, but Lucy was toast.
My dad was in an accident a year and a half ago. The Astro van was destroyed. And my Dad's not much better off.

I'm sure we can all count, probably on several hands, the people we know who have been in collisions, major or minor. We do live in Calgary, where poor drivers are stupidly common, so if you haven't, it's only a matter of time. Sorry. I know so many people who are good, aware, smart, and defensive drivers. And they have all been hit by a moron or two.

Healthwise, mva's (motor vehicle accidents) have a variety of health consequences. Everything from the shakes to headaches to broken bones, to whiplash to death (which is an awful health consequence; most often fatal).

General Aches & headaches

Car accidents happen so fast, we really don't understand the full impact until at least a few days after. Concussions are common with mva's, and are the leading cause of headaches. We may also have tensed up in the moment of the crash, leading to muscle tension, aches, and subsequent headaches. Any impact that was forceful enough that you were thrown around the vehicle will lead to much more damage.
-Imagine sitting in the driver's seat and suddenly having your face in the airbag, your arms in the air, and your body off to one side (picture the slow motion truck drop in Inception)-
Such a force will have a myriad of health consequences, all which should be looked at by a doctor as soon as possible!

Whiplash
Whiplash, in simplest terms, is when your head gets whipped back and forth from the impact of a crash. The head snaps forward, then back. In a situation of whplash, depending on the force of an impact, a headrest and an airbag can save your life and your spinal chord, but in other situations, the mish-mashing of your brain inside your head will most likely give you a concussion, and then headaches. More forceful impacts will leave spinal damage, severe headaches, and neck problems.
Sideways whiplash is a whole 'nother story. While doctors and researchers have tons of info on back-and-forth whiplash, sideways whiplash is mostly unexplored territory. The health impacts are known to be severe, but the exact underlying causes remain mostly a mystery. I've heard rumour of snapped nerves, cut off nerves, bone snapping, and calcified ligaments. Anything further, and I'm the wrong gal to ask. All I know is that sideways whiplash is a b*tch.

Broken or Fractured Bones
These are common. Some examples:

• Breaking your arm or leg if you are t-boned on your side
• Breaking your jaw if your face hits the dashboard
• Breaking or otherwise damaging your nose when it hits the airbag
  
• Fracturing your pelvis is common in high impact collisions
  
• Fracturing your wrist if it hits the steering wheel, the dashboard, or even if it directly contacts the airbag
• Breaking practically anything if you are a pedestrian and you're hit by a car (still counts as an mva)

If any breaks occur, treat them like you would if you got them from falling off a trampoline, or being pushed down the stairs; don't touch them, and get to a hospital. And maybe pop some pain meds; I hear broken bones hurt...

Statistically...
In Canada, the government has so kindly given us several statistics which I shall spit all over.

• The number of fatal car crashes has decreased over the past 20 years by 58% (my math could be wrong on that though. Either way, I personally attribute this to better cars, and not to better drivers)
• Only about 50% of fatalities and injuries were to drivers out of all crashes in 2009. That means that the other half were pedestrians, passengers, cyclists, or motorcyclists.
  
• The highest age group of fatalities and injuries, both driver and passenger? 25-34.
  
• Alcohol use by drivers was a factor in almost 30% of deaths from vehicle crashes during 2003-2005,
  
• Of those boozing drivers, more than 30% involved in fatal crashes were aged 16-24 years.
• AND 40% of speeding drivers involved in fatal crashes were 16 to 24 years of age. (Seriously, we young 'uns suck.)
  
• In Amurica, 16% of fatalities and 20% of injuries involved driver distraction; the highest proportion of distracted drivers involved in fatal crashes was in the under-20 age group (16%) followed by those aged 20 to 29 (13%). Seriously.
  

So. What can we gather from all this? Mostly that people suck.

Other than that, I hope to spread a bit of a message.
1. Be aware. A sleepy, distracted, or simple unaware driver is a shitty driver.
2. Follow the rules for goodness sake!! Stop at stop signs, intersections, and red lights. I know it seems obvious, but the number of people who have forgotten that and damaged my family members is ridiculous.
3. Be defensive. Even if many of the drivers in Calgary suck, you don't have to. Pay attention to what's happening around you and avoid being in the way of bad drivers. Let them have their accident somewhere else.
4. Don't be THAT GUY. We all know THAT driver. Don't be him or her. Be better than that. They'll figure out the hard way that being a douche isn't worth it.

We can make the world's roads safer if we all just suck a little less