Monday, January 30, 2012

#End of discussion. Period.

Alright ladies, put your latte's down, turn off your Glee Cast remake of Lady Gaga, and please bring your attention to my face [er, words], because this one's for you.

[And guys too if you really REALLY wanna, but I'm warning you...it's gonna get messy!]

We ladies have....lady parts. And once in a while - every 28 days or so - our lady parts like to make us hate our lives by making us bloated, grumpy, hormonal, bloody, [sorry, I had to.] and hurty [hurty is not a medical term by the way.]!

So tell me, what's worse than your monthly visit from Aunt Flo [besides someone calling their period Aunt Flo..]?

No? Nobody's going to even take a shot at it?

Ok then, I'll just have to tell you.

Not getting your period at all.

Also known as amenorrhea in medical language land. [A - the absence of. Men or meno - month. Rrhea - discharge, or flow. Word breakdown courtesy of my greek and roman studies class.]

Yeah. I know. That's some scary stuff right there. Worse than zombies, and bigfoot, and Twilight. Just kidding. Nothing is scarier than a sappy interspecies love story.

But seriously, not getting your period can be because of an external stressor, a dramatic change, or an issue going on inside your pretty little lady body.

So let's get down to business here folk's and talk about some of the reasons you might be missing your period.

You're pregnant!
Congratulations fellow woman, you are with child! Whether this was planned or not, you have a little bun in the oven. To verify if you're pregnant you can take a simple home pregnancy test which tests your level of the 'pregnancy hormone' hCG. It's important to make an appointment as soon as possible with your family doctor. And make sure your baby's daddy knows what he's in for!

Milking!
Otherwise known as breastfeeding. This commonly occurs after pregnancy, hence why it followed pregnancy on my list! Lots of women do not have regular cycles while they are breastfeeding. So if you're pumping out that boob milk [which I highly encourage you do!], don't fret too much if you've missed your period, or it's late. But be on the lookout for other signs of abnormalities in your body. Remember, nobody knows you like you do!

Stress!
How often do we hear this? Stress seems to be the root of all evil causing everything from wrinkles and acne, to cancer, and everything in between. Including irregular or absent periods. Stress does a whole load of work on the body and in the process decreases the amount of gonadotropin releasing hormone [or GnRH] in the body. This causes a war zone inside your body that can be neatly summarized into your lady hormones [FSH, LH, estrogen] are not doing what they are supposed to be doing, or being released at all. Moral of the story - take up yoga or any hobby that relieves some stress. Namaste.

Illness!
Super vague, right? Let me narrow it down for you. It can be short-term or long-term illness! [Good thing I was here to clarify that for you, right?] Main reason - illness puts your body under stress. If you want more information about how stress affects your period please refer to the paragraph you read just before this one.

Medications!
First it was illness, now it's medications. You just can't win! Be sure to consult with your doctor if you are starting a new medication and know the side effects it may have on your body. Also - illegal drugs can have an effect on your menstrual cycle, as well as EVERYTHING ELSE THAT HAPPENS IN YOUR BODY. Illegal drugs are not recommended. In fact I would advise against it. [So I'm a straight-edge party-pooper. Deal with it!] Fun Fact! Penicillin can reduce the effectiveness of birth control. If you don't want a baby, tell your man that if it's going to rain, he better wear a hat.

Extra Baggage!
No, I'm not talking about your emotional baggage. I'm talking about being overweight. Now, I know this is a touchy, sensitive topic that nobody really wants to address, but the fact is you have to take care of yourself in order for your body to function optimally. Stomach fat in particular can have an effect on the hormones in your body and cause you to have irregular periods, and in some cases, cause infertility. If you're about to exit out of this screen because you're mad at me for saying you shouldn't be overweight you're gonna love me in a second..

Skinny Bitches!
See?! Skinny girls have problems too! The difference here is you need a certain amount of body fat to have a period, which is why intense athletes and ladies with eating disorders can have irregular periods and infertility issues. Typically a woman needs about 17% body fat to have a period because not having enough body fat has an effect on your estrogen levels. If you do not have enough body fat you will not have a period. Period.

So there you go. Pretty much don't be stressed, pregnant or breastfeeding, sick or medicated, fat or skinny and you will have regular periods. The End.


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